Do a loving-kindness meditation
Silently repeat phrases of goodwill toward yourself and others to cultivate compassion, empathy, and inner warmth.
- Time:
- 20 min
- Cost:
- free
- Difficulty:
- moderate
- Where:
- Indoors
- Best:
- Solo
Loving-kindness meditation cultivates goodwill deliberately, extending it outward in widening circles from someone easy to someone difficult. It is the most awkward-feeling practice for most beginners, largely because generating a feeling on purpose seems artificial in a way that watching the breath does not.
Why do a loving-kindness meditation is worth an hour
The sequence is what makes it workable. Starting with someone you already feel warmly toward establishes the feeling, and each subsequent circle extends something that already exists rather than manufacturing it from nothing. Starting with yourself, as some versions instruct, is often the hardest place to begin, which is why beginning with a friend usually works better.
How to do a loving-kindness meditation step by step
- 1
Start with someone easy
A close friend, a child, even a pet. Establish the feeling somewhere it arises without effort.
- 2
Use simple repeated phrases
May you be well, may you be at ease. The specific words matter far less than the repetition.
- 3
Widen to someone neutral
A shopkeeper, a neighbour you barely know. Extending to someone you have no feelings about is the real practice.
- 4
Include someone difficult
Start with mildly irritating rather than genuinely harmful. This circle takes months, not one session.
- 5
Include yourself
Many people find this hardest, which is informative. Place it wherever in the sequence it is achievable.
Tips to get more out of it
- Feeling nothing at all is entirely normal early on. The intention is what is being practiced here, rather than a guaranteed emotional result.
- Do not start with the person who hurt you most. That circle is genuinely advanced work, and forcing it early usually backfires.
- If it feels artificial, that reaction is expected. Deliberately cultivating an attitude is unfamiliar rather than false.
Ways to mix it up
If the phrases feel wrong, use your own words or simply hold the person in mind with the intention. If you want a shorter version, practice it on strangers while walking, silently wishing each person well, which is oddly effective and takes no extra time.
Do a loving-kindness meditation: frequently asked questions
What is loving-kindness meditation?
A practice of deliberately cultivating goodwill, extended in widening circles from someone easy to someone difficult.
What if I feel nothing?
That is normal, particularly early. The intention is what is being trained; the feeling follows over weeks rather than immediately.
Should I start with myself?
Many traditions say so, but most people find it hardest. Starting with a close friend and adding yourself later works better.
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